Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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