we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you didnt know i had herpes?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
