So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
