i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
