Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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