Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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