Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
