Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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