I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
