I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
