***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
