i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
