You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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