This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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