Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I could make wine with my vomit
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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