You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize