Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
