I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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