I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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