let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
