Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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