I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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