I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
