the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
