I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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