I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
