I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
