It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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