My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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