whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
