its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize