Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
