she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
