Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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