i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
