The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
