Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize