farters have to be the big spoon...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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