K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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