i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
