is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize