That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
