Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
