So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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