What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
