Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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