The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
