i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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