We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
