dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
