she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
