Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
