The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
