You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
