I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
