About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
