I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
