I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's official drugs can't kill me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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