Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

(516): View more from New York

one can only hope.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us

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(817): View more from Texas

90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

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(304): View more from West Virginia

For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.

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(216): View more from Ohio

So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?

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