but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
