whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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