Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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