Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize