1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
