It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need a burrito and a hug.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
