it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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