what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize