he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
