I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
