Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
