Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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