This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
