Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
