Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
