Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
