Three words: puerto rican gang bang
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize