His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
True college students do jello shots in the library
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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