I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Duck Duck Cougar?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
