Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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