i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
