o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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