Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
