I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
