I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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