just tell him i said nine months
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
