If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize